“And while I don’t expect you to save the world I do think it’s not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.”
? Nikki Giovanni
I have always … struggled (for lack of a better word?) with friendships. I am always looking for that ride or die person … I’ve often thought I had that, and just as often have ended up hurt. There are so few people in the world who will go to bat for you … who will always have your back without there being something in it for them. It’s saddening to me because I am not that kind of friend … You will never, ever find someone who is truer then me. I will defend you, even when you don’t necessarily deserve it, I will laugh with you, cry with you … whatever you need I will try my hardest to see you happy.
Why is it so hard to have that reciprocated? Maybe because I’ve been focusing all my time and energy on the wrong people, investing in the wrong friendships. I think I spent a lot of time holding on to friendships that I shouldn’t have. Sometimes friendships have expiration dates. I’m learning that it’s ok. It doesn’t have to end in a big ol’ fight or bad blood between you, sometimes … its gradual. Sometimes you just suddenly look at a person and not recognize them anymore. Sometimes you grow up, grow apart. It doesn’t mean I’m looking to cut you our of my life forever … it just means I have to accept the changes for what they are and adapt to the new foundations of our relationship, whatever they may be. Sometimes we just need to let go …